Forget Ali versus Foreman. Elon Musk versus Mark Zuckerberg? Boring! We’ve got the biggest fight in the history of fisticuffs exclusively on Pay Per View this Sunday. Live from Disney’s private island, two CEOs will enter the cage, but only one will emerge victorious! Oh boy! It’s Bob Iger versus Tim Cook, Disney versus Apple, winner takes all! Don’t miss the Royal Cage Bash sponsored by Microsoft in partnership with Universal.
Lightning lanes are available after you accept Apple’s newest terms and conditions. Premiere seating is available for Disney+ Platinum Subscribers and Club 33 Members. Android users will have access to standing room only. No footage will be shown on ESPN as we’re unsure who will own the sports channel by Sunday.
Big Bob Iger and Terrible Tim Cook aren’t about to stand aside and let Zuckerberg and Musk have all the fun. Sure, they’ve got Facebook and space machines, but the star power of Mickey Mouse and iPhone sales shouldn’t be underestimated. While all the major news outlets are talking about the MMA matchup between Tesla’s frontman and the Meta-king, Tim Cook is quietly doing everything he can to kill the little magic left at Disney by purchasing the giant entertainment company outright from his seasoned opponent. Although it seemed like Apple had the upper hand in their last face-off with the Bigger Bob Chapek, reigning entertainment champ Bob Iger has been tagged back in, and although he’s likely to give a little, Apple has another thing coming if they think Iger is letting them KO Disney on Sunday.
Disney’s Championship Dominance Hangs in the Balance
Despite years of dominance, according to anyone visiting their home gym at Walt Disney World, the reigning championship Disney team has lost a step or two in the ring. Once superheroes of entertainment, championed by a series of hall of famers, including two Bobs and one Mike, fresher talent is catching up, destroying the once nostalgic experience in their hometown of Orlando. Once heralded as the “happiest tag team on Earth,” Disney has been met with “The Magic is Dead” chants while struggling in the ring against new up-and-coming contenders.
Ignoring the crumbling statistics and lousy PR from their petty off-screen fight with Co-MMA president Ronald DeSantis, Bob Iger, and the Disney tag team maintain that they are in peak condition to continue their title defense as former champion Steve Jobs’ protege Tim Cook will enter the ring looking to take Disney to the bank on Sunday! It seems like the Apple team is prepared and ready to take over despite Iger’s recent announcement that new training strategies focusing solely on raising the cost of fight tickets and only airing the exclusive event on a regional basis would bail the struggling tag team out of trouble.
Disney and Bob Iger Better Watch Out For Apple’s Adaptable Fighting Style
Bob Iger has spent years perfecting his craft, training up the Disney team to hone in on the skills that fill seats in arenas all across the world. However, fans are tired of their archaic mat-based wrestling methods. Fans can only watch someone submit to a full-nelson so many times. But Iger insists that the age-old techniques passed down by the tag team’s founder, are tried and true. He’s confident that all seats in the Fantasmic! amphitheater’s private Disney+ streaming party dining package will sell out even though they’ve seen the same style of fighting since 1937. Iger went on to explain that there will still be no open flames during the VIP event.
But Iger better be prepared this Sunday because Tim Cook and the Apple tag team are coming in hot, fresh off the release of their newest finishing move, the iPhone 47 and a half. Apple’s high-flying style is diverse, sexy, and adaptable. Although the elbow off of the top rope has been used for years, Apple breathes new life into it every six weeks with moderate variations that don’t really do anything different but look really cool. People are lining up already, camping out at the nearest Apple Stores on college campuses all over the country ready to take advantage of the tag team’s newest ticket offer, which will immediately slow down sales of older ticket offers.
Tim Cook and Apple have style, and solid PR representation that keeps them out of trouble with Co-MMA President Gavin Newsom. Apple understands that its fighting style has created a significant demand for more and more matches, while Disney struggles to maintain favor with basement bloggers. Fans can’t get enough of Apple, whose watchability currently outperforms Iger. Cook is primed to take everything Disney has to offer, rebrand it, and use it to dominate the world after Sunday’s MMA Royal Cage Bash at Castaway Cay. Apple and Cook could buy the world right now, and there’s not much Iger and Disney can do to stop them.
So be sure to join us Sunday, but you’ll have to be up at 4:30 am ET to access all the pre-match footage on the My Disney Experience app; they’re only offering this experience to 150 viewers, so be sure to set those alarms and claim your spot in the virtual queue. Fans watching the match-up from the Apple side of things can stream anywhere for free with a new purchase of an iPhone, iPad, iTable, iShowerwall, or iDriveway. This exclusive “Apple-only” ticket may or may not work in rural areas. (Apple-only tickets do not work with non-Apple products, and speeds may be slowed once you’ve watched the total value of your ticket).
Currently, Vegas has Disney’s odds of losing everything to Apple in a last-ditch effort to stay relevant amongst growing pressure from new tag teams at 1 in 999,000. Although those numbers seem insurmountable for Tim Cook and Apple to overcome, this wouldn’t be the first time Bob Iger and Disney have missed a sure thing. Despite the fact that federal regulations to the match have restricted some of Apple’s more high-flying combative strategies, Disney is still in for a dog-fight. Too bad Michael Eisner’s ACL (Animation Can’t Last) isn’t healed yet, Disney sure could use him this Sunday at the Royal Cage Bash.
Update: Despite pressure to join in the match, Ron DeSantis is moving on.
