This one may hurt a bit people. Today, we’re discussing how to make the WORST day possible at Magic Kingdom. Even though Disney World’s flagship Park is full of whimsical, magical fun suitable for any prince or princess, you can have a terrible time. We’re here to make sure that you do.
Magic Kingdom opened at Walt Disney World in 1971. Roy Disney, Walt’s brother, brought the idea to life to honor his late sibling who masterminded Disneyland in California. Although not exactly Walt’s vision for his “Florida Project,” Disney World was a smashing success and quickly grew into the Resort that we know today. However, we aren’t here to talk about the sentimental attractions, parades, and shows; instead, we’re talking about the wHow to Have the WORST Day in EPCOT at Walt Disney World ever. Let’s jump in.
Main Street USA Is a Waste of Time
If you’ve seen one American town square, you’ve seen them all. Instead of enjoying delicious treats and excellent shopping, be sure to speed-walk your way right through Main Street USA. The crowds are ridiculous there, so this will save you some time dealing with long lines, trolly tracks, and strollers. All the good stuff is past Cinderella Castle, anyhow. Don’t stop for coffee, forget those Mickey ears you’ve been trying to find, and definitely skip out on the Dapper Dans.
Although Main Street USA is fun, there’s nothing spectacular about the outdoor shopping mall. It’s not like Disney spent hours and hours hiding nods to famous Imagineers or references for people to enjoy. Their meticulous planning doesn’t dictate your day. Main Street USA is simply a buffer between you and Seven Dwarfs Mine Train.
Pro-tip: Everyone will want to watch the flag retreat at 5 p.m.; skip that.
Start In Storybook Circus
There’s no better way to start your WORST day at Magic Kingdom than in Storybook Circus. Why wouldn’t you? It’s got Dumbo and the Barnstormer; it’s a thrill seeker’s dream come true. If that wasn’t enough to convince you, there’s also a circus-themed splash pad. Nothing is worse than spending the rest of your day in wet socks.
Magic Kingdom is notoriously crowded; hanging out in Storybook Circus ensures you don’t have to deal with people. Well, at least not grown-ups. Kids are great, but the WORST day would include spending most of your time with them screaming.
Pro-tip: Don’t pack headache meds.
‘Happily Ever After’ Is Not Worth the Monorail Line
You know what? We were going to suggest skipping the nighttime spectacular at Magic Kingdom, but instead, make sure you get to the Hub or Main Street USA about an hour and a half early to fight for your spot. Despite the song, you won’t be able to reach out and find anything as you’ll likely be shoulder to shoulder with some big guy who forgot deodorant and has been sweating all day. The fireworks are fantastic, but the mass exodus of Disney Guests afterward makes them part of your Worst Magic Kingdom day.
Upon culmination of ‘Happily Ever After,’ you’ll find yourself confused, a bit disoriented, and, like many people, blind due to tears. This is excellent news, as you’ll have to navigate through a literal sea of people exiting the Park simultaneously. It’s the best time you can have at Disney World. Instead of running over to Space Mountain, or Pirates of the Caribbean, you’ll be stuck in a loop of tired (sometimes aggressive) human beings shuffling their way to the buses, boats, and monorails.
Pro-tip: Don’t take advantage of the smaller crowd after the fireworks.
Don’t Stress Over Those Exclusive Dining Reservations
We all know that Magic Kingdom is lacking when it comes to food at Walt Disney World. Although there are many options, most don’t go beyond typical Theme Park grub. There are a few unique and exciting options at Magic Kingdom for table service, but they’ll cost. If you want to eat with the likes of Cinderella, Belle, Snow White, and the Beast, not only will you need a second mortgage, you’ll have to be up really early a few weeks before your trip to get a reservation. Be Our Guest and Cinderella’s Royal Table are two of the most coveted meals on Disney property, and they are must-dos for Guests looking to make the most of their Magic Kingdom day, but you’re looking for what not to do, right?
Instead of worrying about those pesky dining reservations or a Disney Dining Plan (which comes back next year), just wing it. There’s no need actually to plan out your meals anyhow. That’s crazy talk! If you’re looking for the WORST day ever at Magic Kingdom, there’s always availability at Tomorrowland Terrace or Cosmic Ray’s.
Pro-tip: Skip the Cheeseburger Springs Rolls at the Adventureland cart
If You’re Looking for AC, Head to Frontierland
Florida is hot. This is not a secret. Often folks spending the day at Magic Kingdom will look to enjoy a show at some point. This gives them a little rest of their feet, some air conditioning, and sometimes a nap. Magic Kingdom is home to a tremendous amount of inside entertainment. Monsters Laugh Floor, and Carousel of Progress over in Tomorrowland, The Enchanted Tiki Room in Adventureland, and The Hall of Presidents in Liberty Square are all great places to sit back, relax, and take a load off.
However, if you’re going to do a show on your WORST Magic Kingdom day, it has to be Country Bear Jamboree over in Frontierland. This timeless classic will not only recharge your batteries, it’ll creep you out a little. Consistently voted as the worst show at Walt Disney World, Country Bears will surely add the extra oomph to your bad day.
Pro-tip: Spend an hour sitting in the Swiss Family Treehouse before heading to Country Bears
Ride it’s a small world Over and Over and Over Again
Initially built for the 1964 World’s Fair, it’s a small world made its way to central Florida and has been a staple at Disney World since. Guests are treated to a slow-moving boat tour of colorful animatronics worldwide with one thing in common. They all know the exact same song and will not stop singing it. Robert Sherman, one half of the famous Sherman brothers, wrote the catchy tune. The guy must have had a real vendetta against humanity because the song is torture. One utterance of the theme will sear the entire thing into your brain on repeat. You’re powerless against it.
The ride lasts about 15 minutes, so to maximize your already excruciating time, ride it a few times. Make sure once you’re finished up, you give in to the involuntary urge to sing; its a small world the rest of the day. Don’t fight it. While others are quoting the stretching room narration at the Haunted Mansion, let it is a small world belt from the bowels of your belly, loud and proud.
Pro-tip: When your boat launches, don’t interact with anyone at the Pinocchio Village Haus window; just stare at them with blank expressions.
Magic Kingdom at Walt Disney World is a place where magic comes to life. Stories are told and shared with friends and families, and adults get to feel like children again. However, as we want to ensure you’re having the WORST possible day at Magic Kingdom, ignore all of the nostalgic impulses to immerse yourself in the story. Instead, skip rides that may trigger your inner child’s voice or soften your heart. No flying carpets, no Peter Pan’s Flight, no Winnie the Pooh, and don’t even think about Tron. Also, do everything you can to avoid parades and anything closely resembling an over-sized mouse.
